Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
