my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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