We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
