I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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