i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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