Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
