hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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