I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
