Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
