hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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