we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize