Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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