Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
