highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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