Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
