plz talk dirty to me
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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