the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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