saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I didn't shave. On purpose
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
