I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
