you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
In America we eat man semen.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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