Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
