We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
