Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
