then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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