I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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