Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
