Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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