i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
