Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dear god my vagina.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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