he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
