she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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