My cat gives me a boner
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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