You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
