i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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