I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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