Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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