And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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