I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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