and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
