I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
