I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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