plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
