She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
