white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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