Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
