how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
