I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
