I accidentally had phone sex last night
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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