i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
