Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
