Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
