My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
