some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
