I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
